Why Self-Compassion is Part of the Conversation

You may ask yourself why working to increase self-compassion is part of changing your relationship with food. Most people who want to stop emotional eating or binge eating are hoping to regain a sense of control over their eating behaviors or lose weight and improve their overall health. Where, they ask, does self-compassion fit in with those things?

It might help to know there’s a pattern of personality traits commonly shared by people who struggle with emotional and binge eating. One of those traits is that they’re not typically good at self-forgiveness or focusing on their own needs. Self-compassion means acknowledging that you’re struggling, recognizing that it’s a shared experience amongst everyone, and being gentle with yourself instead of allowing your inner critic to take over your thoughts. 

So why the focus on building self-compassion in this type of coaching? When we’re being critical of ourselves, we often perceive ourselves as failing at something. That something could be based on our work performance, managing a personal situation, or whether we ate the “right” foods in the pursuit of meeting a health goal. 

The definition of compassion is the capacity to feel and understand another’s suffering and take action to help them. It plays a significant role in building stronger relationships, promoting well-being, and creating resiliency. Self-compassion is you doing these things for yourself – understanding and accepting your suffering, building a strong relationship with yourself, prioritizing your well-being, and giving yourself grace when you’re imperfect so you can move on in a caring, loving manner toward yourself. When you can begin doing these things, your emotions won’t hijack your goal of healing your relationship with food.

Imagine quieting your inner critic and living without their judgment. How would it feel to eat a slice of birthday cake without feeling guilty? Or going out for pizza with friends on Friday night to celebrate the beginning of the weekend – again, without guilt? That’s what self-compassion feels like in terms of emotional eating and binge eating. It’s about not beating yourself up over a perceived mistake. Participating in common social behaviors such as celebrating a birthday with cake or having pizza with friends doesn’t have to feel like a mistake. You’re in control of the story you tell yourself. Try ditching that mean-girl voice in your head. You’re likely to find out that if she’s not an influence, you won’t feel guilty, and the habit of soothing yourself with food will stop making sense. The urge to do so will slip away. 

It’s possible to not even be aware that you have an inner critic. The next time you start beating yourself up over a perceived failure, take a beat to figure out where the idea that you failed came from. Observe your thoughts and feelings without pushing them down or letting them scream at you. Hold them in mindful awareness and see what happens.

All the best, Lynette